Even more terrible happenings concerning the Baudelaire orphans. Dear Customer, If you have not heard anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you listen to even one sentence you should know this: Violet, Klaus and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I'm sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all. If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signalling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this CD will probably fill you with despair. I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly bear the responsibility of exposing others to this miserable story. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket
This story has a happy ending. No, wait, that was a different tape… Dear Customer, If you have picked up this sheet, you have probably not read the warning so clearly outlined in my prior message. This story may seem cheery at first, when the Baudelaire orphans spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle. But don't be fooled. The three siblings endure a car accident, a terrible odour, a deadly serpent, a long knife, a large brass reading lamp and the reappearance of a person they'd hoped never to see again. I have made a solemn vow to present this information to the public, but there is nothing stopping you from tearing up this paper and pretending you've never heard of this CD. Then you can sell something that is less unpleasant. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket
More doom and gloom for the Baudelaire orphans, and school as well. Dear Customer, If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. You might expect that Violet, Klaus and Sunny would do very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives. Within the chapters of this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E and the metric system. It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and recording the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep. In that case, you should probably choose some other tape. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket
After the sudden death of their parents, the three Baudelaire children must depend on each other and their wits when it turns out that the distant relative who is appointed their guardian is determined to use any means necessary to get their fortune.
"You're not children anymore," a desperate Kit Snicket tells Violet, Klaus and Sunny in the opening pages of Lemony Snicket's THE PENULTIMATE PERIL. "You're volunteers, ready to face the challenges of a desperate and perplexing world." Indeed, in this adventure the profoundly unlucky Baudelaire orphans face dilemmas more perplexing and desperate than any they've faced in the previous eleven books in A Series of Unfortunate Events.
Now that they've reached the Hotel Denouement, the hapless siblings must pose as concierges, heavily disguised to protect their identities, and discern the true motives and identities of the hotel's many mysterious guests. Indeed, during their explorations of the massive hotel, the Baudelaires encounter characters from nearly every one of their previous misadventures (including that cakesniffer Carmelita and the always "in" Esme Squalor).
The Hotel Denouement is full of secrets, able to be unlocked only by those who really understand the Dewey Decimal System. From the rooftop sunbathing deck to the laundry room, the Baudelaires try to sort out the volunteers from the villains, hoping against hope that they're not "wrong, wrong, wrong."
Lemony Snicket's twelfth book lacks none of the verbal wit and clever snarkiness that have made this series so popular. Indeed, now that youngest sibling Sunny is speaking more clearly, her dialogue contributes even more to the clever wordplay at which these books excel. Some surprising secrets are in store, as well as a real cliffhanger of an ending, which promises to make the series much more complex than anyone would have imagined.
Even though Lemony Snicket would tell you to toss THE PENULTIMATE PERIL into the nearest puddle or pond, it's definitely worth keeping up with the ongoing saga of the world's most trouble-prone siblings. The only unfortunate thing will be the wait for the series's final installment!
"The Baudelaire orphans looked out the grimy window of the train and gazed at the gloomy blackness of the Finite Forest, wondering if their lives would ever get better," begins The Miserable Mill. If you have been introduced to the three Baudelaire orphans in any of Lemony Snicket's previous novels, you know that not only will their lives not get better, they will get much worse. In the fourth installment in the "Series of Unfortunate Events," the sorrowful siblings, having once again narrowly escaped the clutches of the evil Count Olaf, are escorted by the kindly but ineffectual Mr. Poe to their newest "home" at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Much to their horror (if not surprise), their dormitory at the mill is crowded and damp, they are forced to work with spinning saw blades, they are fed only one meal a day (not counting the chewing gum they get for lunch), and worst of all, Count Olaf lurks in a dreadful disguise as Shirley the receptionist just down the street. Not even the clever wordplay and ludicrous plot twists could keep this story buoyant-reading about the mean-spirited foreman, the deadly blades, poor Klaus (hypnotized and "reprogrammed"), and the relentless hopelessness of the children's situation only made us feel gloomy. Fans of these wickedly funny, suspenseful adventures won't want to miss out on a single one, but we're hoping the next tales have the delicate balance of delight and disaster we've come to expect from this exciting series.