Whether it involves musing on the inevitable and annoying ironies of everyday life, spouting off about anything and everything that gets his goat, or just plain figuring out new and improved ways to be difficult, George Carlin’s comedy is incorrigible and unmistakable. Following the runaway success of , Carlin now delivers all-new rants, what-ifs, observations, and out-and-out damnations in his cantankerous new collection, .
Carlin is at his best taking on the whole world and telling it like it is—or at least how he sees it. From the “Airline Announcements” section (“…here’s a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: . Bull****, my friend. It’s a near hit! A is a near miss.”) to “Cars and Driving” (“One of the first things they teach you in Driver’s Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you to put ’em at ten o’clock and two o’clock. Never mind that. I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I’m goin’.”), Carlin takes you on a wild ride through a life you’ll never look at the same way again. He identifies the experience of “vuja de”—“the distinct sense that, somehow, something that just happened has never happened before”—and posits existential questions including, “If there really are multiple universes, what do they call the thing they’re all a part of?” and “If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it’s hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?” Of course, it wouldn’t be George Carlin if he didn’t say a whole lot more that we just print here!
Including more lists of things he’s had just about enough of, and hilarious short takes that will put you in stitches, is Carlin’s comic opus on life at the dawn of the 21st century. In it, he asks, “Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don’t mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere.” Carlin has certainly started his own path—read and decide for yourself where he’s going.
I, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.)
I appoint the rest of the world’s unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool “graduation” and PTA meeting.
To my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading “Get a job. I’m dead,” and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids.
I devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, . Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You’ve got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: “You’re All on Your Own Now. Enjoy.”
J.K. Rowling, one of the world's most inspiring writers, shares her wisdom and advice.
In 2008, J.K. Rowling delivered a deeply affecting commencement speech at Harvard University. Now published for the first time in book form, VERY GOOD LIVES presents J.K. Rowling's words of wisdom for anyone at a turning point in life. How can we embrace failure? And how can we use our imagination to better both ourselves and others?
Drawing from stories of her own post-graduate years, the world famous author addresses some of life's most important questions with acuity and emotional force.
Sales of VERY GOOD LIVES will benefit both Lumos, a non-profit international organization founded by J.K. Rowling, which works to end the institutionalization of children around the world, and university-wide financial aid at Harvard University.
or Log on